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Loss and Feeling Lost

On November 9th 2021 my beloved mother drew her last breath and left this world. She had just turned 80 in September, apparently she had a fall and hit her head that same month and, in true Mom fashion, didn’t let anyone know about the incident. A month later she had a serious stroke and was first taken to the local hospital and then, unconscious, was airlifted to a larger hospital on the Texas border. After surgery, hospital and hospice care and pt, she became septic and passed away surrounded by those who love her.

She was my only connection to my childhood and my homeland. She was gone so quickly and unexpectedly that I am still in disbelief that I can’t just pick up the phone and call her. Ever again.

My feeling of grief was and is still so deep that I feel like I can’t breathe. I am improving, months later I am able to sing and to laugh, when before it was all I could do to function. It took all my willpower to not break down multiple times a day, to not rail at the unfairness of her being no more.

This month is one of struggle for me again, my 55th birthday is almost here and for the first time in my life there will be silence from my mom. She always sent a card, we would talk on the phone, there would be some contact, some greeting some something. But not this year or any other. She is gone, and I can’t really accept it as the truth.

I miss her.

Published by 30yearsinitaly

American born, transplanted in Italy at the age of 19 in 1987. Been living here ever since. Italian husband, Italian son and Italian cat.

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